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新しい記事を書く事で広告が消せます。
Good things about my getting cancer!!
Thanks to cancer I got, I've gotten to realize that how gentle, generous and warm my family, friends and even someone I don't know are!!
Thanks to cancer I got, I've gotten to feel much more deeply how sad they are or how badly they feel pain!!
Thanks to cancer I got, I've gotten to direct my warm eyes even to plants!! ( which I've never done before.)
Thanks to cancer I got, I've succeeded in a diet!!
Thanks to cancer I got, I've gotten fashion-conscious!!
Thanks to cancer I got, I feel myself to be able to think positively much more than before!!
Thanks to cancer I got, I've gotten to renew youth and gotten beautiful!!
Thanks to cancer I got, I've gained a slim body and even slim legs, which, I've started to feel, might enable me to make my dreams come true!! My dream has been to dance rumba sexily and beautifully in a wonderful sexy dress in front of a lot of people.
I'm writing this diary with hope that anyone who has a lot more serious cancer than mine might not be offended by it.
Well, I would like to start by telling you what happened to me from the beginning.
It started by the declaration from my doctor that I got terminal nasopharyngeal cancer in March last year(2006). Until then, I was proud of
my healthy body, thanks to which I rarely even caught cold.
One of my specialty was that I could sleep at any place at any time. My most favorite way of transportation was to use an overnight bus ride. The reason was that I can be at destinatination while I am sleeping. My friends would say that they couldn't chose such tough way, but for me it was a piece of cake and I was able to go to Tokyo or even Kyusyu and enjoy being there all day long just when there was one day off. I would even work as usual the day before or the day after.
That was how I spent my life. I enjoyed any food. I felt happy when I ate my favorite food. I was the happiest person in the world.
It was In the midst of such happiness when my doctor declared that I got terminal cancer.
No. It couldn't be true!! It couldn't happen to me to get cancer. My heart was full of disbelief. But at that time, I seldom knew how cruel disease of cancer is!! I seldom realized what exactly happened to me.
"Around epipharynx, there are lots of really important organ around epipharynx, so you can't have us just remove cancer cells. We should try anticancer agent and radiation therapy. ""Do I have possibility to get rid of cancer cells completely?" "Yes you have a lot of chance to do so. So let's start fighting together against cancer for two months."
Eventually, duration of hospitalization was prolonged to 4 months. The cancer cells at epipharynx disappeared but swelling of lymph node at my neck didn't disappear. My doctor recommended operation to remove lymph node but he also mentioned that the swelling might not mean there are cancer cells. So I decided that I won't have operation and went out of hospital. That was August 1st.
I have no choice but to conclude that there are cancer cells in the lymph nod at your neck. My doctor declared 4 months after the day of discharge from hospital. I had my lymph nods at both side of neck removed in December. So large parts must be removed that tracheotomy was needed. After the operation I couldn't speak at all. I couldn't even round a neck a little. (Even now it is still difficult for me to thrust out my chin) There were lots of days in such condition before I can be released from hospital.
I went out of hospital in January. For some period, I was really sad because I couldn't feel any taste, my saliva didn't come out and I couldn't swallow foods. I thought that what was good for me to live in such a sad condition. I even thought about death. It was when many people around me encouraged me really really gently and warmly and I was ready to work vigorously that my doctor declared emergency hospitalization and operation.
What happened this time was that mean MRSA attacked my left ear which was impaired by radiation and chemotherapy. It increased dramatically in it and there was large possibility that it could even go into my brain. There was no choice but to leave my job and be hospitalized again.
That was May 12th and on 14th I got operation. With local anesthetic, it took more than two hours. It was a really really painful operation. First anesthetic agent is shot like when it is shot at tooth extraction. But it soon lose its effect and I start to feel pain really badly, then more anesthetic agent is shot, which is also really painful. That way, the operation goes. During the operation, I was wondering if the torture at the hell might be like this.
Can you imagine how glad I was when I heard the doctor's voice; "It will soon be over!!"
Two weeks past after the operation and I began to wonder when I can be out of hospital. My doctor came to me and said, "I hate to say this, but I have a bad news for you. At the operation, I took a small piece of your ear cells and presented it for pathobiology. Today I received the result which indicated that you got cancer at your ear."
No, no. I don't believe it!!! No. It couldn't be true.
Left ear was also exposed to the radiation at the first cancer remedy, and similar to the epiphariyx, there are too many important organs around left ear, cancer removal by operation was out of the question. Only way I can rely on was anti cancer agent. Besides, there were no assurance that I can get rid of my ear cancer. But it's definitely better to take the chemotherapy than not to do so.
My brother who is a medical practitioner said to me that it might be necessary for me to think about not doing anything because you have no assurance to get better.
But this time I decided that I would enjoy staying in hospital for three months, with having three consequent chemotherapy once a month.
There had been several days left until the first chemotherapy started. So I took a permission to go out from my doctor and went around to 100-yen shop(where you can buy many things at 100 yen which is less than 1 dollar) and handicrafts shop. I thought I would enjoy life in hospital, making various beautiful things, which I had been interested in but had never had time to do so. I used to be really bad at such kind of thing all my life before. I had seldom tried making anything before.
Well, it turned out to be really really wonderful thing. Much much more enjoyable than I had imagined. I couldn't make not much of a thing, but I, for the first time, realized that making things with using my brain fully is such an amazing thing. The most favorite things amongst what I made is a bracelet using rhinestones. It's pretty easy to make and not expensive and some patients in the same room at hospital told me that it's wonderful and they wanted it so I happily gave one to them. I was glad about that.
A friend of mine brought me a kit to make a necklace including a book describing how to make it and various beads. I struggled understanding the meaning of the illustration in the book and at last made it and she came and took it to wear at her friend's wedding. (@^^@)/
Now I'm trying to make hula skirt for a friend of mine. As a matter of fact, I bought a sewing machine through auctions in the web. I looked for a machine which was cheap and light but I can make a button hole using it, and I found one.
I had it sent here and now here it is!!
I am a beginner in using sewing machine. I don't even know how to put fastener.. (^^; But I have a lot of time and if you try harder doing this or that very eagerly, you can make it!! It's surprising!!
I received anti cancer agent(this time, docetaxel) about 2 weeks ago. First I had throat ache, belly ache, taste loss, diarrhea, but most of it has already gone and now I am pretty fine except taste loss and oligoptyalism.
Side effects of docetaxel is much less compared with the agents I had received last year, 5FU and cisplatin. Last year the duration of taking the agents was much longer and bout of vomiting was much stronger and I had hard time struggling with rigor, just lying in bed for about a week without eating nothing.
I heard that when I was given docetaxel, all my hair would be gone so I decided to have my head shaved. Now I purchased a favorite wig and put it on my head.
I like it pretty much.
Thanks to cancer I got, my way of thinking or living has changed.
I had to go through a really tough time for a year and a quarter, but now I can say I'm really glad that I got cancer. It's not that I pretend to be strong. Well, I might pretend to be strong a little. But I do feel that way from deep in my mind.
Though I might have to go through more and more tough time, I am looking forward to seeing the greater joy I will encounter after those tough challenge.
